When Ghostbusters Go Bad
by Icewoman1
Summary: A few bloopers from the dark corner of my mind.


I'm sure I'm not the only one that wondered what an RGB: Blooper would be like. So I took my sick imagination in hand and plucked a few quotes from random episodes and put what I would think would be a funny blooper. Remember, they **ARE** grown men.

**NOTE:** JMS = J. Michael Straczynski

Apocalypse: What? Now?!

Peter: Do they sell popcorn at these things?  
Ray: No, but they do have a copy of Bens and Franks: The Ectoplasmic Gourmet.  
Peter: That sounds like some sh*t you'd cook, Ray.  
Ray: HEY!  
JMS: CUT! You know that's not in the script!  
Peter: I don't care! Have you tasted some of the stuff he's cooked?!  
JMS: VENKMAN!  
Peter: Fine, fine...

Egon: Oh good, Ray, you're here. Did you get the Bens and...  
Ray: No. Sneezy here spent all our money.  
Peter: Mr. Sneezy to you.  
Ray: Blow it out your ass, Peter.  
JMS: CUT! It's NOSE, NOSE!  
Ray: Oops!  
JMS: They're going to bet the death of me...

Egon: Something must have broken our fall.  
Greek Man: Ohhhh, ohh.  
Winston: Are you all right, father?  
Greek Man: Do I f-ing look all right?!  
JMS: CUT! Now you got HIM doing that!  
Peter: *laughs and flashes the victory sign*

Egon: The seal Peter, the seal impression.  
Peter: Arr, arr, arr, arr. arr, arr.  
Egon: No, Peter, you damn imbecile! not an impression of a seal. The seal impression!  
JMS: Egon...  
Egon: Ahem. Sorry, JMS.  
JMS: So when is your turn? Huh?  
Winston: Heh, I'm not talking.

* * *

Beneath These Streets.

Winston: If I didn't know better, I'd say we just had an earthquake.  
Peter: This building's probobly shaking from old age.  
Ray: That, or Janine and Egon slipped off again.  
JMS: *throws the script book at Ray*  
Ray: *POW* OUCH!  
JMS: DONT EVEN GO THERE!  
Ray: Sorry!

Ray: Wow, this is REALLY f-ed here.  
JMS: RAY!  
Ray: Sorry! I'm really sorry!  
JMS: That's three times, Ray, going for four?  
Ray: NO! I promise, I'll be good!

Egon: Fascinating, some sort of etherial spring bubbling from the earth's core.  
Peter: Looks like aprocot baby food.  
Winston: That's a big ass baby-- did I just say that?!  
JMS: Yes, you did! CUT!

* * *

The Cabinet of Calamari

Peter: You ever seen Sleeping Beauty? [Kisses Vanna, a hypnotized young lady.]  
Vanna: Thank you. Gee, Calamari said the only way anyone else could bring me out was if I kissed a toad. Where did you find a toad in New York?  
Ghostbusters: [Laughing]  
Peter: Oh, f-k you too.   
JMS: CUT!  
Ghostbusters: [More laughing]  
JMS: DAMMIT! I SAID CUT!  
Ghostbusters: (even Peter now) [Howling wth laughter]

* * *

Citizen Ghost

Egon: Transtator  
Peter: Check  
Egon: Field generator.  
Peter: Check.  
Egon: Ionization decay meter.  
Peter: Check.  
Egon: Plasmatic refractor, anti-ectoplasmic destruct mechanism, bipoloar adjuster.  
Peter: Check, check, and check.  
Egon: Traswarp drive?  
Peter: Check.  
Egon: Ah ha! Caught you, we don't have a transwarp drive!  
Peter: If we don't have one then it can't malfunction, if it's not malfunctioning then nothing's wrong, then if nothing's wrong then it checks, right?  
Egon: Always the smart ass, aren't you, Venkman?  
JMS: Wrong line, Egon! CUT!

Peter: Hey, who's the wise guy?  
Ghost Peter: My name is Dr. Peter Venkman.  
Peter: No way, I'm Dr. Peter Venkman. Got that? This town's only big enough for one Peter Venkman.  
Ghost Peter: You f-ing got that right!  
Peter: What the...? Just a damn minute here!  
Ghost Peter: One of us has to f-ing go!  
JMS: NO AD-LIBBING! CUT!  
Peter & Ghost Peter: Sorry!

Winston: So who's gonna be the one to do it? Who can we aford to lose?  
Peter: Oh Janine. Just kidding, just kidding!!!  
Janine: DIE!  
JMS: How did she sneak that knife past security! STOP HER!

* * *

Egon On The Rampage.

Egon: Until now, we've been storing captured entities in on-site containment vessels in the basement, which is both expensive and hazardous. That's why Dr. Stantz and I have developed the dimension meter.  
Ray: If it works, it will vanish spirits into another dimension permenantly.  
Sandy Van Sanders: In other words, you might call it a plan to disperse spooks into the ozone layer.  
Ray: Yeah sure, if you want to be an a-hole and use the wrong words.  
JMS: CUUUUUT!  
Ray: Sorry! 

Sandy Van Sanders: What's the worst thing that can happen?  
Peter: Being locked in a room with you for a week.  
Sandy Van Sanders: A feeble attempt at humor, but laughs won't cut the tension or the mustard as the big machine prepares to fire up.  
Peter: No, that's my foot winding back to drive dead into your ASS!  
JMS: No hurting the guest stars, Venkman!  
Peter: But...!  
JMS: VENKMAN!  
Peter: [grumbling under breath]

Sandy Van Sanders: Mishap in Manhattan, that's what the scandal sheets will no doubt call it. At this stage it is difficult to peace things together, but it seems there was an accident during the test-run.  
Ray: Accident, my ass!! It's your motherf-ing fault, dipsh*t!  
Sandy Van Sanders: Clearly, emotions are running high.   
Peter: That's not all that's running high, so is my finger.  
JMS: You two need a time out. CUT! CUT! CUT!

Sandy Van Sanders: Anything we can do?  
Peter: Keep your distance, preferbly on some other planet.  
Sandy Van Sanders: How can he be so f-king flippant at a time like this?   
JMS: *WHAM*  
Sandy Van Sanders: OW!  
Peter: But you said no hurting the guest stars!  
JMS: I'M THE DIRECTOR!  
Peter: Point taken!

* * *

The Last Train To Oblivion

Ray: How did you know the ghost would switch us onto the siding?  
Peter: Just a brilliant flash of insite, everyone knows that some ghosts spend eternity trying to correct mistakes that they made in life. Well, Casey Jones was an engineer, he died in a train wreck. So I figured his ghost wouldn't rest until he set things right, by preventing a train wreck, he wanted to save someone's life not take it. Cause and effect, Ray, psycology.  
Egon: Dug in your ass for that one?  
Peter: You know it.   
JMS: Egon, don't you EVEN start!  
Egon: Sorry, sir!

* * *

Mrs. Rogers Neighborhood.

Peter: I told you guys haunted house are a lot of hot air.  
Ghosts: WATT, WATT.  
Peter: I said they're a lot of hot air.  
Ghosts: WATT!  
Peter: Who said what?  
Egon: What?  
Peter: Did you say what?  
Egon: Peter, I'm trying to work.  
Winston: Say what?  
Egon: I didn't say what.  
Peter: Who did?  
Winston: Did what?  
Peter: Said what!  
Winston: Man, I didn't say a word.  
Peter: Yeah right, then who did?  
Ray: What the f-k are you all talking about?!  
JMS: CUT! Ray! You're not even in this scene!  
Ray: Sorry, couldn't help myself!  
Winston: And why do I get the black man's line? I mean, how stereotypical is that?  
Egon: I wanted to say: F-k off, Peter, I'm trying to work.  
Peter: What?!  
JMS: CUTTTTTT! STOP IT!  


Egon: Ow!!! [Drops the PKE meter]  
Winston: Egon, what happened?  
Egon: Some strange force sabotaged it.  
Peter: Yeah, I think the scientific term is clutzitus.  
Egon: No the term is shut the f-k up.  
JMS: CUUUUT! ARGH!

* * *

The Headless Motorcyclist

Peter: A ghost isn't a hitman! They don't listen to me!  
Slimer (flies in and hovers near Peter): You rang?  
Peter: Slimer! Get your ass out my face!!  
JMS: CUT! SLIMER!  
Slimer: Now what the f-k is it!?  
JMS: OUT! ALL OF YOU! CUT!

* * *

Doctor, Doctor

Winston: Man, I hurt in places I didn't even know I h--  
JMS: CUT!  
Winston: WHAT?! I didn't curse!  
JMS: We can see up your robe.  
Winston: *turns red and crosses his legs.*  
Janine: WHAT?! And I missed that shot?  
Egon: JANINE!  
Janine: *evil laugh*  
JMS: *sighs*

Nurse: (indicating urinal sample cup) Fill this please.  
Egon: Sure, if all you want is mud in it. It's covering my -d*ck- lady!  
JMS: CUT!  
Egon: Now what? Do you have any idea how f-ing heavy this makeup is?!  
JMS: I SAID CUT!  


* * *

Banshee Bake A Cherry Pie

Ray: *runs in nude, scares the crap out of everyone*  
Others: ARGH! MY EYES! NOOOOOOOOO!  
Ray: Heehee! *runs and locks himself in the bathroom*  
JMS: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!  
Ray: Well, the script says my clothes ran away!  
Peter: They meant your outer clothing, not your undies too, dipsh*t!  
JMS: Oh crap, just cut!

* * *

Don't Forget the Motor City

Peter: Couldn't you guys have thought up a decent color?  
Egon: Pea soup green is my favorite color.  
Ray: I have a tuxedo that color.  
Peter: No wonder you haven't been laid in years!  
Ray: WHAT!? SCREW YOU!  
Peter: The one thing you *still* haven't done!  
JMS: CCCCCCCCUUUUUUUUTTTTT! ARGH!

* * *


End file.
